The Emotions of Leaving:

I moved to San Francisco, on January 10th, 1998. Just over 9 years later, it is quite amazing to think of how the city changed for me, during each stage of my life. I came, not knowing anyone, single and almost on a whim, thinking I’d be in the city for only a year or two.


I went from being just out of college, single and set on returning to New York within a year or two “at most”, to dating, meeting groups of friends, to saying goodbye to groups of friends as they moved “back east”, to meeting TJ, and re-discovering the city as a part of a couple, to meet even more dear groups of “couple” friends to then saying goodbye to them one-by-one. One of the simultaneously best and saddest things about San Francisco, is that the majority of people you meet are from other parts of the country. It makes them a bit adventurous, and open to trips up to Napa, or trying a new restaurant. It also can change the city for you as you watch as group after group of friends are called either “back home” from whence they came, or to other opportunities and new adventures.

I’ve lived in the “lower Fillmore”, the Mission, Cow Hollow, Pacific Heights and lastly Bernal Heights. I learned to love living alone. I am envious of my single friends that get to come home from a long day out, make themselves exactly what they want to eat at that moment, (eggs, or avocado on toast, or a decadent piece of fish,) and be still and quiet with themselves. I used to love spending entire weekends by myself…picking a neighborhood on a map, walking there, and discovering it all day, only coming back to the apartment late in the evening – tired and fulfilled. The confidence and satisfaction of creating a life, one that I loved...one that was exactly what I wanted it to be, was a gift I will call on often in this new stage.

Upon arriving in San Francisco, my mother came and stayed with me during my first week- helping me get settled. We did a lot of sight-seeing, and discovering things like the local supermarkets and parks. When it came time for her to leave, I sensed her sadness and a bit of fear leaving me all alone, and I felt a bit of the same dread of what could have been the lonely days to come. I said goodbye to her as she got into the car for the airport – and immediately knew that I had to choose between living in that sadness, or creating a new life where there was no room for it. I allowed myself to cry for only the time it took the elevator to reach my apartment on the 14th floor.

Nine years living away from NY- felt at times like eternity, and at others just a wrinkle of my life. I am proud of living in SF and trying it on myown- and see now what a huge thing it was to move so far away from everything I knew, to a place that was so unknown. I did it on a whim. I know now why- to open my life, to gain confidence in myself, to have more adventures with friends and family up and down the west coast, and to meet TJ.

It was important to me that TJ andI leave San Francisco together. That we “say goodbye” to Gates St., and board the same plane – to the next adventure. I knew when I married him, that our lives would be full, and rich with laughter. I knew not how or where we would go- but I knew that it would not be anything short of spectacular. This is just the beginning.